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Thursday, 11 November 2010

It was a dark and stormy night

I don't know about you, but if there is one thing I can't be doing with it is wind and lashing rain - ok, two things I can't be doing with.  Today finds us subjected to coastal gales, as a result of which the hollyhocks now lie supine on the lawn, the tumble dryer is creating a carbon footprint like Charlie Cairoli's shoe and even Malcolm won't  venture out.  And who can blame him?  Cats know about these things and so I take a leaf out of his book and decide that, bugger Tesco,  a store cupboard supper is just what the doctor ordered.

This simple and delicious  pasta dish is one I have been making for a few years now and is one I have always told people is a family recipe of Lorenza di Medici, taken from her book Lorenza's Pasta.  However, on re-reading the recipe I find my version bears no resemblance whatsoever to hers and I can only conclude that I made it up.  Sorry Lorenza.

Spaghetti with Sardines and Lemon (for 2 people)

1 large onion
1 clove garlic (more if you like, none if you don't)
grated zest of 2 lemons
Juice of those 2 now naked lemons
2 tins of sardines in olive oil*
olive oil
salt and ground black pepper
handful of parsley
1 tsp sugar
150g spaghetti/linguine or other string-like pasta

*  Aldi and Lidl  both do very good skinless and boneless sardine fillets in oil for the much same price as other supermarkets charge for bog standard sardines.  However you do miss out on the calcium from the bones and the chance to choke on an errant fin.

Method
Put a big pan of water on to boil for the pasta.

Peel the onion and slice thinly.
Do likewise  with the garlic.
Pour a good slug of olive oil into a pan and gently fry the onions and garlic until softened and just beginning to brown.
Open the sardines, discarding the oil from one can, and add to the onions in the pan.
Stir to break up the sardines, but don't overdo it.
Add the grated zest and juice of the lemons, mix well and add the sugar.  (The sugar  adds no real sweetness, but without it, the sauce does draw you up to your full height.)
Add salt to taste, and plenty of ground black pepper.
Turn the heat right down and cover the pan, keeping an eye on it.
Cook the pasta, drain and toss in the pan with the sardine mixture.
Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Winter Draws On -ooer Matron!

Picture this.

It's cold. It's wet. You've just come in from a brisk coastal walk round Wain's Hill and your nose is glowing like a McGill Scotsman's and you are knackered. You want food and you want it sooner rather than later.  At a time like this you need warming through from the inside.

Something simple and tasty with chilli fits the bill perfectly, the heat tailored to your own personal taste, from just enough chilli to make you gently glow like a supermodel in a tanning booth to enough to make the next day's appointment with the Armitage feel like a reenactment of the murder of Edward II.  Add some comforting carbs to fill up the corners and you are truly sorted.

Potato and chickpea masala   (for 2 people)

Ingredients

1 large baking potato per person, or as much as you can comfortably eat - it's your dinner after all
1 can chickpeas
2 large ripe tomatoes
1 or more onions - up to you
as much garlic as you like
30 mls vegetable oil
2tbs tomato puree
2 tsp mustard seeds
2tsp turmeric powder
about a dozen curry leaves, fresh or dried
2 tsp cumin seeds
chilli - as much as you feel is enough - can be fresh, dried, flaked or cayenne, but NOT chilli powder
salt and pepper
water

Method


Before you do anything else, jack up the heating, put some music on and pour yourself a glass of whatever you like. Cooking is supposed to be enjoyable.

Let's get the drudgery out of the way:

Peel the potatoes if you must or just scrub them if you value the nutrients/roughage contained in the skins or even if you just can't be arsed. Cut them into small cubes.

Don't even think about skinning the tomatoes.  Quarter them, discard the pulp and chop them into bits.

Peel and chop the onions.

Drain and rinse the chickpeas (why are they packed in something that looks as if it came out of a toddler's nose?)

Peel and chop the garlic.

After all that hard slog, you may need another glass of whatever poison you are on. *

Lets get this show on the road.

Heat the oil in a saute pan or similar and fry the mustard and cumin seeds until all hell breaks loose, manifested by seeds popping and flying out of the pan.

Add the turmeric and curry leaves and fry for about a minute, stirring.

Add the onions and garlic and soften until transparent.

Lob in the potatoes and fry until cubes start to brown.

At this point, chuck in the chickpeas, chilli, chopped tomatoes and tomato puree.

 Stir well and add enough water to come level with the contents of the pan.  Now is the time to add as much salt and ground black pepper as you enjoy.

Cover the pan and turn the heat down. Cook until the potatoes are just tender.  If it looks runny, jack the heat up and cook rapidly, stirring gently, until a dryish mix remains.

Serve, garnished with fresh coriander if you like colour and the taste of Fairy Liquid, accompanied with such pickles as you enjoy and either rice or chapati.  Personally I think chapati are better with this dish.  You can reheat those you have already made by hand and frozen, hem-hem, or use any commercial brand.  If not hand-made by Indians, they are at least made in factories owned by Indians, so they are going to be good.  They do taste tons better if you ignore all microwave instructions and just heat them in a hot dry frying pan until they get burnt speckles on them.  The amount of burnt speckling deemed acceptable will, of course, depend on how many glasses you have had during the cooking.

This meal always goes down well and will thrill vegetarians while not leaving carnivores wondering when the real dinner is coming.

In the time it has taken me to type this, you could have cooked it - 30 mins tops.  GO!

*Despite recent warnings that alcohol is more dangerous than crack cocaine, I would suggest that your dinner is less likely to spoil if you stick to a couple of glasses of Sauvignon Blanc.  Everyone knows that crack cocaine, though moreish, does tend to reduce appetite and what is the point of making a dinner you can't eat?

What the....?

There is a reason for the very unlikely title of this blog.

A dear friend, when pressed to have yet another helping of whatever delight I have put on the table, can always be relied on to say, " A man forced his pig and it died."

While not wishing to cause anyone who reads this to gorge themselves to their deaths, I would hope that such readers may feel inspired to try and, I hope, enjoy the recipes they find here.

I don't do fussy.  I don't do slaving for hours over a hot stove.  I do do delicious.

Enjoy.